Sunday
I had church. I cried. I vented. It was painful. I dont even know if I want to even write about it but I’m going to as much as I want now. They talked about Todd to all the High School and Jr. High kids and I was there helping. I felt bad for not crying and then poeple started crying and I held it back and it popped after it was all over. I hate crying. I really do. Todd had a memorial service at church at 3pm. It was really hard for me. Todd was my Sunday school teacher for all of high school. I learned so much from him. He knew me by name. I felt like I knew him and he made an impact on my life in many ways I could not even begin to write about. They had this photo slideshow of his life. I found that especially hard. The pictures of him and his wife really got to me. The worst was him playing with his children. I think what makes me feel the worst is the thought of growing up with out my father. It such a terrible thought. I have always had a Dad, I have never even been worried of not having him. Todd was a hero they made sure the world knew it tonight. His wife Lisa was presented with a flag from a Air Force officer. Over all the service did not really really totally get to me till the very end. A college student who I knew, Leonard sang this song. It was about how a man went to heaven and met his sunday school teacher. It just hit me like a brick i was huddled up, so upset, I dont like doing that. It feels wrong but I know it has to happen other wise it will be worse. I’m glad he sang that song. I hope that I can place my self in that song some day. There was this part about the teacher praying in the song, I know that they were not the direct part of my salvation but all the youth leaders were a major part. I knew all the info but I just did not want to accept it till the day I did. Thats another story I am not going to tell now unless asked. I saw my old youth pastor and that was nice. He changed and I like the changes. I’m sure he is doing cool stuff at the church he is at now and they are lucky to have him. That brings us up to now.
This week has been a rollercoaster of crying, anger, pissed off, tiredness, hunger, sadness, worry, frustration, and alot of other crap. I lost 2 people in my life. One I knew and the other one was related to me. Its been a bad week and I want to see what President Bush is going to do. Whatever he does as long as he takes direct action I will support him. If he weasels around with these criminals/murderers/terrorists/evil people I will not be voting for him in fact I will be angry again. Action needs to be taken. The right measures to prevent this need to be taken. If they are not America is still open season for terrorists. I know lots of coutries deal with this on a day to day basis and I can truely feel for them now. I understand the pain and sadness of it all now. I would never wish this upon anyone and I pray that it happens to no one.